Moving Forward

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." - Walt Disney

 

I hate New Year's Resolutions.  How helpful is such a generic idea as "lose weight" or "start a relationship"?  And who ever keeps those useless resolutions anyway?

A wonderful professor once gave his students some advice that has always stuck with me.  Choose five things you want to learn or do every year and do them.  Yes, they are sort of like resolutions but instead of these vague "I wish" statements, they are more like action plans.  Something you CAN accomplish.

1. Get more involved in photography.
1. I have a wonderful opportunity to act as a photographer and blogger for the American Red Cross and spotlight some of the amazing work they do.  Not only will this give me many photographic opportunities, but also the chance to stretch my writing wings as well.  And the opportunity to give something back to the community.
2. Add some more healthy recipes to my regular culinary repertoir.
1. I accompished last year's goal of starting to excercise regularly.  Now I need to work on my (horrendous) diet.  Become more vegetarian (not completely veg, but closer).  So I need to find some tasty recipes that can act as regular, healthy go to recipes.
3. Move.
1. My current appartment has two things going for it:  cheap rent and convenient location.  Other than that, I hate it.  Every year, I tell myself this year I'm going to move, but I really like the money I am able to save and my 7 minute commute to work.  But after two expensive acts of vandalism on my car and an equally expensive act of God in the last year, I am ready to find myself a better place to live.  (although, I hate to say, I may still find an excuse to put it off for yet another year when the time comes).
4. Plan another trip.
1. Like the trip to Alaska last year, we are planning another for this year.  Lots of work to do.
5. Get off my couch and out of my apartment.
1. The first and fourth already cover some of this, but I want more.  Find more photographic and volunteer opportunities other than the Red Cross.  I know this one is a little too vague for the exercise, but I am still working on refining this to more specific activities.  I have enough to get me started and a year to accomplish them.

*I reserve the right to alter, modify or outright change any and all on my list at any point in time.

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has a wonderfull Christmas full of love and grace.

Tell the Truth

Source: Unknown

Explain Something to Me

 
 

"It's not what you eat but who you are when you eat it." - Author Unknown

 
I have been gaining weight since before Thanksgiving.  I weighed myself last week to find I was almost back up to my all time high weight.  I topped out at 217.8 lbs this weekend.  Just over 2 lbs beneath my top weight.
 
I comemorated the discovery over the weekend with a depressive array of bad for you "comfort" food.
 
Not a way to lose weight.
 
Which makes it doubly shocking when I stepped on the scale this morning to find myself at 211.2lbs.
 
HUH?
 
I thought I read the scale wrong. So I tried again.  And again.  Nope 211.2lbs. 
 
Had I read it wrong the last time?
 
I might be willing to believe so if I hadn't been gaining, pound by pound for a couple weeks now.
 
How does that work?  I gained almost 10 lbs in 3 weeks and suddenly lost it in two days?  Without exercising?  And eating badly?
 
Ok.  I don't get it.  But I'll take it.  :)
 
Off to go for a walk.

Existential Quandry

"Man is born to live, not to prepare to live." - Boris Pasternak

  

I just heard the siren of a fire truck speeding by the office.  

 

Sudden, intense longing. 

 

I’m trapped in a windowless prison.

While there is a world out there.  People.  Living life.  Experiencing.  Doing.

 

What am I doing here?  What does it matter?

I work at things I think I want, trying to get the life I think I need because, deep down, I don't believe I can do what I truly want to do. That I can't do it, and even if I can, that I don't deserve it. That I will fail. Or succeed. Or succeed and find I'm a fraud. 

 

I have a new job.  One that I spent a year studying for and another two years waiting to get. 

 

I'm still preparing.  More school for another certification.  To get more job experience.  To move.  To get a "career" despite the economy.  So I can start living my life.

 

And this, like every other thing I have prepared to do to start living my life, feels hollow.  Because, while it is something to give me security, it isn't what my heart truly wants. 

 

 

And a siren goes by and I want to be out there.  In the world.  Doing.  Living.

 

Want To

This is what I am struggling with at the moment.  I am trying to move toward a "want to" life. 

The problem is, I need to push through some "have tos" to reach the "want to" on the other side. 

I'm having a hard time motivating myself for the "have tos" despite the knowledge they lead to the "want tos."

Procrastination and Avoidance

"Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music." - Ronald Reagan

I've been avoiding my blog.  I don't know why.  I want to write.  I like to write.  I love to see what I have written posted on my blog.  Yet, I avoid SITTING DOWN TO WRITE.  Why do I do this?  When I like the process and the results?  What is it about the act of BEGINNING that bothers me so much?

The rest of my life is the complete opposite.  I have no problem beginning things.  Its the follow through that I lack.  My attention span is that of maybe a knat.  I flit from one interesting subject or activity to another.  Its one of the reasons I have always wanted to be a writer.  I figure I can get interested in a subject and once the novel is finished, move on to the next...guilt free.

I figure I will die about 6 credits shy of about 14 different college degrees.  (those six credits are statistics and public speaking, if you're interested).  Unfortunately while it keeps me entertained, its the sustained interest and completion that give me the most difficulty.

But I procrastinate in writing blog posts.  I haven't posted in more than 2 weeks.  It's not like I don't have plenty to say.  Getting up on my soapbox has never been a problem for me.  I am constantly finding new topics and writing them in my head for when I have a chance to write them down.  But when the chance comes, I have something emminently more important to do first.

WHY? 

Once I sit down to write, the words just flow.  And seeing that new post on my blog...makes me happy.  And proud.  I did that.  I actually like what I wrote.  I smile and enjoy the accomplishment.

So why is getting started so HARD?

Winter is Coming

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.” - John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America
 
 

 
 
Frost on my windshield this morning.  And fog was hanging over the lake again.  Even the parks near the lake were sporting a blanken of frost.  34 degrees.  Brrrr.
 
I love this time of year.  I love seeing my breath on the air.  Layers of clothing.  The occasional "inclement weather" day from work. :)
 
I love the respite from the heat of the Texas summer.

Texas likes to play winter.  The temperature hovers around freezing for a short time and we have a few snow/ice storms each year, when the whole city rolls itself up and braces for armageddon.  Though each year I'm here sees fewer and fewer. 
 
I dream of living someplace with weather.  I have a child's memory of winter when my family lived in New England.  A full autumn with leaves that turn briliant colors before falling off and crunching under foot.  Snow that lasts more than 2 days.  The excitement of the first green leaves on the trees in spring and crocuses peeking up through the snow.
 
My rational brain says rakes and shovels, icy roads and rusted cars, blizzards and blackouts.

Maybe the realities will dim my fairy tale dreams and and childhood memories.   I'll never know until I give it a try.  Who wants to be rational anyway?



 

Take a Step Back

"The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing." - Publilius Syrus

As a photographer, it's always good to take a step back from your work after your initial weeding and processing of images.  Time can give you new perspective, allow you to see things previously invisible to the mind's filter of a certain idea when you first took a photograph.

After two months, I have begun to revisit the photos from my Alaska trip and I'm beginning to see new things.

The area of Canada we were in was inundated with these trees with red berries.  The landlady of the B&B where we stayed told me what they were, as she had several in her yard, but I almost immediately forgot.  Sigh.

I took several photos of some of these gorgeous trees, going for more of a macro look (with the lack of a macro lens) with a very shallow depth of field looking for a small area of focus.  What I got, I was not that impressed with.  I found the images to be fairly boring and lifeless.

Now that some time has passed, I went back and took another look and found some possibilities.

I cropped the photos quite tightly around the small portion in focus, including some berry and some leaf and was very pleased with the results.

 

 

Update:  I looked it up and it appears to be a Rowan tree, also known as Mountain Ash.

This Is What I Don't Understand

"True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us." - Socrates

Like I said the other day, "they" say muscle weighs more than weight.  I understand that in my head.  But it still seems a bit weird.  I weighed myself and found I had gained back a couple pounds.  Yet, I can now button the top botton on the next size down jeans.  Which I couldn't last week.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not complaining.  :)

I'll take whatever shrinkage I can get.  I just wish the scale would shrink as well.

On another note, massive fog the other day on my walk.  Very unusual for this area.  I grew up in a coastal area and loved when the fog rolled in.  It's very rare for me to see now and all the more pleasurable.  It was dense enough to feel embraced by it, but not so much that it felt like a horror film moment.  Perfect fogginess.

They Say...

In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips

They say muscle weighs more than fat.  I have always hoped more than believed that to be true.  Every time I began to exercise and I didn't immediately see significant weight loss, I tell msyelf, well muscle weighs more than fat.  I must be building muscle. 

Maybe there is some truth to that.  In the six months or so I have been walking 3-4 times a week, I have only lost 12 lbs.  Part of that is because I can't give up sodas, and drink two or three of them a week.

But lately, I have been noticing that my pants are too big.  I mean, WAY too big.  When I started, the only reason I didn't have a size bigger than I do is because I refused to buy them.  But I couldn't button the top botton.  They were tight.  Really tight.

Now, despite only losing 12 lbs, They are falling off me.  Yay!  I have had to move down to the next smaller size. 

How many women who have gained a significant amount of weight over the years and continuously wish to lost said weight DON'T have several sizes of clothes in their closets?

Unfotunuately, despite noticable difference in the fit of my clothes, I still haven't noticed any visual difference.  When I look at pictures of myself, I still see an enormous woman.  And I cringe.

The only reason I even post pictures of what I look like (or even allow any to be taken) is to remind myself of my goal.  It is way too easy for my mind to convince myself it's not as bad as I think it is. 

Well, it is that bad and I have to keep reminding myself I need to continue to work on doing something about it.

Fall is Here

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." - George Eliot
 
Fall is finally here, more or less.  Or as much as Texas has an autumn season.  It is starting to cool off and sunrise is getting later.  I have been treated to several gorgeous sunrises on my walks over the last week or so.

And the change in temperature has been causing some wonderful fog over the lake.

I even had to break out some long workout pants.  It's enough to make anyone smile.  Even me.  I hate the heat.  My heart starts to sing when the temperature starts to drop.

Life Begins

Panhandle

"Adventure is not outside man; it is within." - George Eliot

The final leg of the trip.  South out of Whitehorse, down through White Pass and back into the US by way of the Alaska Panhandle.  This landscape was different than anything we had seen so far.  Ruggedly mountainous.  As we climbed up, we merged with the snow line (snow in September!) at the top of White Pass and then down to Skagway.  Breathtaking.

We headed first to the ferry terminal to deal with the final legacy of the car rental fiasco and had to wade through hordes of tourists disgorging into the town from several cruise ships docked in the harbor.

Since I was anticipating a different car when I made the ferry reservations and had to provide vehicle dimentions, we wanted to make sure there wasn't a problem with the change.  There was...to the tune of  $15 for the extra foot or so.

We stayed at the Historic Skagway Inn where rooms were named after the building's original  business' "employees".  I stayed in Grace.  In the bistro on the hotel's main floor, I got the first perfect salmon.  Smoked salmon in puff pastry.  Kind of hard to over cook raw salmon!  I wish I had asked for the recipe.

So, on the ferry the following morning through the Inside Passage down to Juneau.  We saw two Orcas WAY off in the distance.

As the state capital, Juneau was cosmopolitan, yet, since it was only accessible by plane or ferry, it still had a rural feel to it.  I loved it.  I also got my first perfectly COOKED salmon dinner.  My salmon quest had become something of a running joke.  Who would have thought finding Alaskan chefs that could manage salmon would be so difficult?

From Junea we flew home.  What an amazing adventure.  I'm grateful for the opportunity and hope someday I'll be able to go back.

Stacked stone monument on White Pass

Historic railway snow plow

Inside Passage from Ferry

Lighthouse

Orca off Juneau

Juneau from Douglas Island

Mendenhall Glacier

Mushrooms in the rain.

Oh Candada!

"Politeness is half good manners and half good lying." - Mary Wilson Little

We now had four days in Whitehorse, the capital of the Yukon Province.  Unfortunately, the B&B at which we already had reservations could only take us for the first of the two extra days.  So, while we couldn't go as far north as Dawson City, we decided to at least head in that direction and found a place to stay in a town called Carmacks.

I was afraid it would be a similar experience to Beaver Creek, but while the accomodations were less than luxurious, it wasn't too bad and the little town of Carmacks was quite quaint.  It sat right on the Yukon River and had a wooden boardwalk along the river road.  While strolling along and enjoying the view, a little girl road her bicycle up behind us.  "Excuse me, please" she said and rode past us.  "Thank you." she called over her shoulder.  They say Canadians are a polite group of people.

We drove to an overlook of a place in the river called the Five-Finger Rapids.  It was a place where 4 rocky outcroppings rose up from the river causing some rough water, that apparently cost many lives of miners heading north to make their fortunes.  I hate to say it, it didn't look so bad to me, but apparently some work had been done later on the river to make the area safer for boat passage.

My instinct that night was for fish and chips in the small restaurant across from the hotel, but I couldn't resist the salmon.  I should learn to go with my instincts.  Over cooked, yet again.

Back down to Whitehorse and the Red Door B&B.  Wonderful place with a welcoming atmosphere and hostess.  And the sourdough pancakes were to die for.

I had a quick glance of what looked like some men carving a totem pole under a tent from the little historic trolly that ran through the town.  We were going to stop on the way back to get a closer look, but unfortunatley, they had already stopped work by the time we passed by again.

We spent a morning at the Yukon Wildlife Preserve.  I dislike seeing animals in captivity but this place was one of the better ones with quite a lot of space for the animals to roam and many were being nursed for injuries.

We had lunch down the road in a little organic, fair trade cafe.  It was run by a guy from San Diego who came up to "get away from it all."  I just wonder how he makes a living running a cafe in the woods on a road to not much of anything.  But the food was fantastic and the area beautiful.  I have to say, I envy the man.

I could see myself living in a town like this.  Quaint, historic, but large enough to have most modern conveniences.

Yukon River

Roadside scenery

Elk

Arctic Squirrels

Baby Dall Sheep and friend

Dall Sheep

Arctic Foxes

Bean North organic cafe

Change of Plans

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." - Lao Tzu

We headed southeast out of Fairbanks on the Richardson Highway.  The original plan was to turn north at Tok and stay the night in Chicken then continue on to Dawson City, then Whitehorse.  Who could resist spending a night in a town called Chicken with internet but no flush toilets?

Alas, we had to continue southeast on the Alcan highway, directly to Whitehorse. 

Our first stop was in Beaver Creek just over the Canadian Border.  As with many last minute plans, lodging choices were slim.  I want to make fun of the "motel" and the "suites" we were given which were in a rickety, run down four room trailer, with an unpleasant smell and questionable carpet.

I'm not actually making fun of the place because, while (and I'm going to sound like a snob here) it was not of a standard I am generally used to in travel accomodations, the sheets were clean and the woman who checked us in was very friendly and polite.  The alternative was driving all night.

There wasn't much to do in Beaver Creek so I took a walk.  I found an overgrown dirt track behind the motel and while tromping along, enjoying the scenery, I came across a fallen sign, half reclaimed by nature.  "This dump is closed", etc.  Great.  So much for enjoying nature.

While I was reading the sign, I was no longer making a racket in the fallen leaves, allowing a rustling in the trees to enter my consciousness.  Sounded like footsteps.  The footsteps of a forraging animal.  A LARGE forraging animal.

City slicker that I am, the first thing to pop into my head was...BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, I cut my walk short!

Of course, it was probably an arctic squirrel.

Despite the annoyance of changing plans, we were treated to a wonderful sight we would have missed otherwise. 

Just over the Canadian border, before we reached Beaver Creek, there was an RV stopped in the middle of the road.  The occupants were out on the side of the road photographing a Black Bear.  Unlike them we PULLED OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.  Unfortunately, the bear was into the trees before I could get a shot.  Back into the car.

We hadn't gone more than a few feet when I spotted another bear on the other side of the road.  Out of the car again.  The first RV pulled up to us and we were joined by a second RV.

You know you are a tourist when...

A van pulled up to ask us what was going on.  When he found out we were photographing a bear on the side of the road, he snorted and drove on.

...you are laughed at as rediculous by a local.

The first thing you are told about this place is NEVER get out of your car to photograph a bear on the side of the road. 

I got some great shots.



Black Bear on the side of the road.



Even the weeds on the side of the road turn colors

I love the vibrant colors of the Aspens

Road to the old Beaver Creek Dump

Sunset in Beaver Creek

Spectacular view

More spectacular view

Changes in Lattitude

"When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere." - Robert A. Heinlein

No matter how pleasant and difficulty free your trip is, somewhere along the line Murphy is going to rear his ugly head.

Back on the train.  Next stop...Fairbanks.  The northernmost destination in our travels. 

First was the (major international chain) hotel.  The first morning, my key card stopped working.  The friendly young woman at the front desk politely made me a new one and handed it to me.  No ID required.   Maybe I see things differently coming from major urban area in the lower 48.  She was genuinely confused when I expressed concern that she handed a perfect stranger a key to my room without so much as asking my name.

Next stop.  Pick up our rental car.  We had plans to drive over the Top of the World Highway into Canada, staying in Dawson City and then down to Whitehorse, the capital of the Yukon Province.

What wasn't mentioned anywhere I saw when I made the reservation, that was emphatically pointed out by the rental clerk, is that they don't allow their cars to be taken on unpaved roadways.  Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't at least 3/4 of Alaska's road system unpaved?  To make up for it, the girl upgraded our vehicle without mentioning it to us, which caused more difficulty down the road that I'll talk about later.

As a large chunk of the Top of the World Highway is unpaved, AND, the ONLY direct way to get from Fairbanks to Dawson City, we ended up spending the entire morning of our one day in Fairbanks, scrambling to redo a large portion of our itinerary.  We had to cut Dawson City out altogether.

Even our afternoon was severly curtailed because most of the attractions outside of Fairbanks are at the ends of...unpaved highways.

So we spend the afternoon wandering around downtown Fairbanks and as the city is host to a major ice sculpting competition, we checked out the Ice Museum and saw a pretty cool ice carving demonstration.

That night we had dinner at a restaurant called "The Pump House".  I ordered...wait for it...Salmon.  Rare.  Which arrived well done.  Inedible.  I rarely send food back, but I couldn't eat this.  The waitress was blatently offended that I would dare and was barely civil to us for the rest of the meal.

Then, she brought us the check, charging us for both pieces of Salmon.  We sent that back too.

But...on the way out of the restaurant, we were treated to the first sunset of our trip.  And it was spectacular.

I love the reflection of the landscape on the side of the train

One of the few blue skies we saw.
The rain had just stopped giving us a beautiful rainbow.

Sunset outside The Pump House Restaurant.
Made up for a disappointing meal and less than stellar service.

The same sunset outside the hotel.

What A Difference A Day Makes

"It's not a slam at you when people are rude, it's a slam at the people they've met before." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

From Anchroage, we took another train, north to Denali National Park.  Again, there was a vestibule to hang out and take pictures, and again there was a group of photographers making use of this vestibule.  Only this time, instead of sharing the view and talking shop, this group was uninterested...and refused to budge (dare I mention they were all *CANON* users? ;) ). 

I finally found another vesibule between the dining and club cars (less traffic) that the othes hadn't discovered and was able to get a few shots.  It was very disappointing to encounter this kind of attitude among other photographers.  There is view enough for all.

On a brighter note, Denali was stunning.  We were lucky enough to arrive just at the height of the fall foliage.  I never even thought of fall foliage and Alaska together in the same thought.  But the colors were so stunning and vibrant people keep asking me if the pictures are photoshopped!  (Which they aren't, by the way.)

We took a bus tour, which is the only way to see some of the interior, other than your feet.  We were lucky enough to see both a grizzly bear and several moose fattening up on the wild blueberries before settling in for the winter.  Like most visitors, we didn't see Mt. McKinnley as it was swathed in clouds, but it that didn't dampen my enjoyment of fall in the arctic tundra.

We saw a cute show about the first man to climb the summit of McKinnley and I had a delicious King Crab salad.  (My new favorite shellfish).  Unfortunately, my rare salmon was cooked medium, but it wasn't so disappointing that I sent it back.



Morning train from Anchorage



View from train

Denali Grizzly

Moose!

Denali Nationa Park in all its Autumn glory

 

Where McKinnley would be if we could see it.


 

Sled dog in repose



Dreams Can Come True

"You have to dream before your dreams can come true." - Abdul Kalam

Have you ever had a dream you thought would never actually happen, not in a million years?  Its always in the back of your mind, but you know it will never happen.  There is always something else to spend your money on, something else to do first.

Mine was to go to Alaska. Its on my bucket list, but way down at the bottom...

Unbelievably, I spent the first two weeks of September travelling the interior of Alaska and the Yukon, Canada.  It was so surreal.

I had some great adventures and I'll share them along with the photographs over the next few days.

The first leg of the journey took us to Anchorage.  We took the train to Whittier for a glacier cruise on Prince William Sound. 

On the train, I spent more time hanging out the open half door in the "vestibule" between cars with several other photographers than in my actual seat.  What fun.  When I wasn't snapping photos, I was talking shop with four or five other enthusiastic amateur photographers.

Despite the rain and clouds, it was gorgeous.  We saw some Beluga Whales (that I didn't get any decent pictures of), Sea Otters, several species of birds, a Salmon hatchery, some unbelievably stunning scenery and a surprising number of gorgeous glaciers.

The crew also fished a piece of glacier ice out of the water and served up margaritas on the glacier rocks. YUM.

 

 

 

I was determined to eat salmon from one end of the state to the other and had a good start at a restaurant called Sacks in downtown Anchorage.

 

More to come...