The Road to Surgery

"You don't make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas." ~Shirley Chisholm


I don't know if the pain in my neck has gotten worse since I started seeking new treatment, or my tolerance for the pain is significantly decreased.   But it's getting harder and harder to get through the day.

It apparently takes quite a while for my herbal tea to build up in my system enough to work on the pain and I will have to stop it again not too long from now, so I can expect no relief from that quarter.  

Yet I don't want to be dependent on painkillers, especially since said painkillers seriously mess with my head.  I can either spend the day in pain or be pain-free and unable to think properly.

Patience has never been a virtue I possess.  I hate waiting.  I have just under 3 weeks left to wait.  Now that I have made the decision to go through with the surgery, I just want to get it over with and know if it worked.

Sigh. 

I guess I'm really up on my Soapbox today.  The pain made me do it.

Three Weeks...

...until my surgery.  I have a ridiculous amount of STUFF to do!

My parents are coming out to help me after the surgery, which is awesome of them, but I now have to clean my apartment until it shines...

I am not going to be able to lift ANYTHING for about 3 months.  That means no major grocery shopping.  So I'm trying to buy all the staples I'm going to need for the duration...I'm only 1/4 through my shopping list so far.

I won't be able to stand at a stove or counter for any length of time so I'm trying to pre-cook and freeze lots off meals I can reheat easily.  (I have a feeling I'm going to end up with more Healthy Choice and Chef-Boy-R-Dee!)

Moving things around - the microwave I'm going to be reheating all these pre-cooked meals currently sits on top of my refrigerator.  No lifting anything (including my arms) over my head...

And the list goes on and on.

I love living alone but on occasion it can be a pain.

I like to be as prepared and self-sufficient as possible, but I'm a lucky person to have friends I can call on for assistance in a pinch.

One thing to be said for the stress of trying to get everything done...

...it is generally overshadowing my fear of the surgery.

"Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings." ~Jane Austen

Marching Toward Fear

"That man is prudent who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the future."  ~Anatole France

I've set the date for my neck surgery.  June 10th.

When it was something to be done in the future, I had my reservations, but could look forward to all the possibilities of freedom from pain.

Now that the surgery has been scheduled........

I'm terrified.

Less so that there is a catastrophic result, which is highly unlikely.  More that I will go through an invasive surgery and months of recovery only to find that yet another treatment has failed.  That I continue to have restricting pain for the rest of my life.  I have lived with it more or less successfully for 18 years.  But now that I have again sought treatment, I have less tolerance and resolve.  Hope can be a dangerous thing.

On the other end of the spectrum, what if the surgery is completely successful and my pain is completely gone?  I will no longer have a built in excuse for not doing a lot of things.  No excuse not to exercise, lose weight, start a business, go out and live my life to the fullest.  That's a pretty scary prospect in itself.

But despite the fears I am plowing forward because I can do nothing else and live with it.  So, better or worse, I'll deal with it on the other side.

On this morning's walk we were greeted with a smile.

And a mama duck with her ducklings.

Although we got sprinkled on, all and all, it was a beautiful morning.

Surgical Solution

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." ~Albert Einstein,

Hot Doctor sent me to a Neurosurgeon (Hot Shot Doctor, hehe).  At first, Hot Shot Doctor was very discouraging of the possibility of surgery.  He asked me what other treatments I had tried and suggested trying them again.

Not being insane, I wasn't too keen on doing things that didn't work over again.  Physical therapy was months of (not cheap) appointments several times a week that, while they did some good in the short term - think hours - in the long run they were completely unsuccessful.  I didn't really like the idea of wasting that much time on something so completely unhelpful...again.

So he sent me for a series of x-rays requiring my neck and shoulders to be twisted this way and that, and hold....keep holding... 

OUCH!

After reviewing the x-rays, he finally decided the surgery MIGHT help.  Probably not completely but possibly a significant reduction in pain levels.


18 year of pain, slowly getting worse...I'll take it.

I have to finish up some projects at work (my real job) before I can take the time off, so it will be about a month or so before I can actually do the surgery.

The worst part is the recovery.  THREE MONTHS(!!!) to full recovery.  Don't lift anything, including my arms, over my head.  And no photography..........

This better be worth it.