Moving Forward

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." - Walt Disney

 

I hate New Year's Resolutions.  How helpful is such a generic idea as "lose weight" or "start a relationship"?  And who ever keeps those useless resolutions anyway?

A wonderful professor once gave his students some advice that has always stuck with me.  Choose five things you want to learn or do every year and do them.  Yes, they are sort of like resolutions but instead of these vague "I wish" statements, they are more like action plans.  Something you CAN accomplish.

1. Get more involved in photography.
1. I have a wonderful opportunity to act as a photographer and blogger for the American Red Cross and spotlight some of the amazing work they do.  Not only will this give me many photographic opportunities, but also the chance to stretch my writing wings as well.  And the opportunity to give something back to the community.
2. Add some more healthy recipes to my regular culinary repertoir.
1. I accompished last year's goal of starting to excercise regularly.  Now I need to work on my (horrendous) diet.  Become more vegetarian (not completely veg, but closer).  So I need to find some tasty recipes that can act as regular, healthy go to recipes.
3. Move.
1. My current appartment has two things going for it:  cheap rent and convenient location.  Other than that, I hate it.  Every year, I tell myself this year I'm going to move, but I really like the money I am able to save and my 7 minute commute to work.  But after two expensive acts of vandalism on my car and an equally expensive act of God in the last year, I am ready to find myself a better place to live.  (although, I hate to say, I may still find an excuse to put it off for yet another year when the time comes).
4. Plan another trip.
1. Like the trip to Alaska last year, we are planning another for this year.  Lots of work to do.
5. Get off my couch and out of my apartment.
1. The first and fourth already cover some of this, but I want more.  Find more photographic and volunteer opportunities other than the Red Cross.  I know this one is a little too vague for the exercise, but I am still working on refining this to more specific activities.  I have enough to get me started and a year to accomplish them.

*I reserve the right to alter, modify or outright change any and all on my list at any point in time.

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has a wonderfull Christmas full of love and grace.

Tell the Truth

Source: Unknown

Explain Something to Me

 
 

"It's not what you eat but who you are when you eat it." - Author Unknown

 
I have been gaining weight since before Thanksgiving.  I weighed myself last week to find I was almost back up to my all time high weight.  I topped out at 217.8 lbs this weekend.  Just over 2 lbs beneath my top weight.
 
I comemorated the discovery over the weekend with a depressive array of bad for you "comfort" food.
 
Not a way to lose weight.
 
Which makes it doubly shocking when I stepped on the scale this morning to find myself at 211.2lbs.
 
HUH?
 
I thought I read the scale wrong. So I tried again.  And again.  Nope 211.2lbs. 
 
Had I read it wrong the last time?
 
I might be willing to believe so if I hadn't been gaining, pound by pound for a couple weeks now.
 
How does that work?  I gained almost 10 lbs in 3 weeks and suddenly lost it in two days?  Without exercising?  And eating badly?
 
Ok.  I don't get it.  But I'll take it.  :)
 
Off to go for a walk.

Existential Quandry

"Man is born to live, not to prepare to live." - Boris Pasternak

  

I just heard the siren of a fire truck speeding by the office.  

 

Sudden, intense longing. 

 

I’m trapped in a windowless prison.

While there is a world out there.  People.  Living life.  Experiencing.  Doing.

 

What am I doing here?  What does it matter?

I work at things I think I want, trying to get the life I think I need because, deep down, I don't believe I can do what I truly want to do. That I can't do it, and even if I can, that I don't deserve it. That I will fail. Or succeed. Or succeed and find I'm a fraud. 

 

I have a new job.  One that I spent a year studying for and another two years waiting to get. 

 

I'm still preparing.  More school for another certification.  To get more job experience.  To move.  To get a "career" despite the economy.  So I can start living my life.

 

And this, like every other thing I have prepared to do to start living my life, feels hollow.  Because, while it is something to give me security, it isn't what my heart truly wants. 

 

 

And a siren goes by and I want to be out there.  In the world.  Doing.  Living.

 

Want To

This is what I am struggling with at the moment.  I am trying to move toward a "want to" life. 

The problem is, I need to push through some "have tos" to reach the "want to" on the other side. 

I'm having a hard time motivating myself for the "have tos" despite the knowledge they lead to the "want tos."