Marching Toward Fear

"That man is prudent who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the future."  ~Anatole France

I've set the date for my neck surgery.  June 10th.

When it was something to be done in the future, I had my reservations, but could look forward to all the possibilities of freedom from pain.

Now that the surgery has been scheduled........

I'm terrified.

Less so that there is a catastrophic result, which is highly unlikely.  More that I will go through an invasive surgery and months of recovery only to find that yet another treatment has failed.  That I continue to have restricting pain for the rest of my life.  I have lived with it more or less successfully for 18 years.  But now that I have again sought treatment, I have less tolerance and resolve.  Hope can be a dangerous thing.

On the other end of the spectrum, what if the surgery is completely successful and my pain is completely gone?  I will no longer have a built in excuse for not doing a lot of things.  No excuse not to exercise, lose weight, start a business, go out and live my life to the fullest.  That's a pretty scary prospect in itself.

But despite the fears I am plowing forward because I can do nothing else and live with it.  So, better or worse, I'll deal with it on the other side.

On this morning's walk we were greeted with a smile.

And a mama duck with her ducklings.

Although we got sprinkled on, all and all, it was a beautiful morning.